1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. -
Now I do not know this from experience, but it sounds like a great plan to me. 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be “meetings.” -
This is the complete truth! You should come sit in on one of our business meetings and see how much gets accomplished. 3. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.” -
Hmmm, do they have scrapbookers anonymous? 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5. You should not confuse your career with your life. -
Been there, done that. Now I have a job that ends at 5 PM 6. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance. -
Well, if you read my “about me” you know that I am not ever going to do it. 7. Never lick a steak knife. -
DUH 8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip. -
Which is why I am not friends with many women. 9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. -
I am still searching. 10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. -
Just as bad as asking a woman her age. 11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.-
Though it would be fun to have a surprise party. A girl can only dream. 12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. -
My driving record will prove that I am of course an above-average driver.
