Don't give it power over you
I read alot. Books, articles on the internet, other blogs.One thing I have noticed is that people give cancer too much power. Of
course when it is all around you it feels like it has power over you,
over every little piece of you, your mind, your body, sometimes even
your spirit. To battle it, the drugs they give you can make your skin
feel weird, your hair fall out, make you feel like someone else. After
treatment is over your survivorship begins, back to work, back to the
normal routine of everyday life, going from 6 doctor visits a month
back to the daily routine of work is kind of like a culture shock, kind
of like when I moved here from California.
Cancer
can consume you if you let it, taking over your thoughts and everything
around you. That is giving it power. Writing about it, capitalizing the
actual word cancer in my mind gives it power. Don't get me wrong, I
obviously know the hold this disease can have over you, your friends, your
family. Some days I used to feel that I would go into work and try to
hide being upset and think that my co workers would think "oh there is
cancer girl", upset at (fill in the blank.) Some days I would feel like
I would want to crawl inside myself and hide, like no one else in the
world could possibly feel like I did. Talking to other survivors I know
that is not the case, but to me that is what it felt like.
A
good friend of mine and 4 time cancer survivor said that a positive
mental attitude can go a long way. I agree. Keeping a good sense of
humor during a difficult time like battling a disease can be hard,
especially when there are bills to pay, side effects to deal with,
friends and family not knowing what to say or what to do to help, and
just dealing with, well, life in general. I was able to keep my sense
of humor during recovery from surgery, chemo, radiation, and now just
survivorship in general.
Find your bliss, find what makes you happy in difficult times. Don't give cancer power over you.
I
originally posted this blog on StupidCancer.com in December, but with
the new Grey's Anatomy season finale I found it appropriate.
I was diagnosed with Invasive Ductal
Carcinoma Breast Cancer in September of 2007, a couple of weeks shy of
my 38th birthday. Of course I was in the usual shock and state of panic
that
everyone
goes through at such as emotional time but I also had the unfortunate
luck of being diagnosed right before Breast Cancer Awareness month in
October. So not only did I celebrate my birthday with this news I had
to see that damn pink ribbon everywhere.
Now
you think I am exaggerating when I mean everywhere, but there it was
like a cloud of dirt around pig pen, following me everywhere. "Hey want
to go to the store?" my boyfriend asks, "Sure I say" shopping always
makes me feel better, but no can't escape that ribbon. Its on shampoo, soft drinks, keychains, yogurt, milk, golf balls soda cans and kitty litter, yes I said kitty litter, so everytime
my cat Rocky makes a deposit in his box a portion of the proceeds will
go to the breast cancer charity of your choice right??!!! I could not
escape it.
TV,
I will watch TV, but NO!! Every station seemed to have one of those
"very special episodes" with the disease of the week being cancer. Even
those Desperate Housewives had one of their own go through breast
cancer. While I am sure most of America felt her pain, at the end of
the day Felicity Huffman, the actress who played the character with
cancer, could remove her scarf, take off the make up
that made her look sick and hop in her car and drive off of the lot and
go home, far away from cancer. I am sure she probably did what most
actors do in these situations, when they find out that their character
will be diagnosed with some disease she probably spent time in a cancer
ward "researching" what its
like. No offense Felicity, but a few days researching is nothing like
actually going through it. (Sorry if I offend you Ms. Huffman, but your
character was the reason I stopped watching your show last year, I
watch TV to escape reality not be smacked over the head with it.) And
don't even get me started on Lifetime, television for women. I think I
deleted that off of mhy cable box last year, and it was one of the main reasons why I had to start taking xanax.
Sorry but I really don't want to know why you wore lipstick to your
mastectomy, and aren't there rules in the hospital about wearing
makeup? I couldn't even keep my earrings in and they let you wear
makeup?
Its
been a year now and I am over my frustration and disgust with the pink
ribbon. I have actually come to embrace it. In January of next year I
will be getting a tattoo of the ribbon on my back to commemorate my
battle. Am I a hypocrite? I don't think so. I have just grown that's
all. But take my advice. If you are going to get breast cancer, get it
in the summer, far away from those "very special episodes" kitty litter
pink ribbon special offers.
Listen to me on the Vic McCarty show 10-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation. com.
Please don't forget to donate by clicking here for Keep a Breast or here for Susan G Komen.
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